Thursday, June 2, 2011

Advice for Movie Characters

1. When the villain tells you he's your father, believe him.
2. The iceberg IS a big deal.
3. Giant T-Rex skeletons like to play fetch.
4. Don't go in the basement. Ever.
5. The butler did it.
6. If you're a minor character, you have a 85% higher risk of dying.
7. If he's had the ring once, he's gonna want it back.
8. Don't go off by yourself in the woods. The monster will get you.
9. Listen to the kid. No one ever believes the kid.
10. You want to be on whatever side Bruce Willis is on.
11. Police officers: you're going to lose your badge. But don't worry; you'll get it back.
12. CIA, FBI, and police force: Someone on the inside is responsible. It's only a matter of who.
13. Lifetime movie wives: Your husband is/was an ax murderer. You're next.
14. When the time machine breaks down, just use the old lightning/town clock trick. Works every time.
15. Always keep a knife in your pocket. Chances are you'll get tied up sometime in the next hour and a half.
16. Yes, the road trip will go horribly wrong.
17. Don't go parasailing right next to a dinosaur-infested island.
18. It will never be the day when you actually catch Jack Sparrow.
19. You really are still in Kansas, since you're just dreaming.
20. Yes, the big game and the performance will be on the same day, at the same time, every time.
21. If you don't ask her to the prom, the biggest jerk on the planet will.
22. He's not dead. He's going to come back after you've fallen in love with someone else.
23. Write a book about your crazy experience. Everyone's doing it.
24. Yes, the bad guy is inside the house.
25. Bring the insulin on the hike.
26. If no one can see or hear you, you're probably dead.
27. Always make friends with the natives.
28. Guys in a romantic comedy: your girlfriend/fiance/love interest works for a newspaper or magazine of some kind, right? Ha I knew it!
29. Even if you didn't kill your wife, everyone will probably think you did.
30. Go ahead and jump off the cliff. No main characters ever die that way, especially if they're escaping from bad guys.
31. If you're not sure if you're dreaming, check the carpet.
32. There's always one bad guy who's not really all that bad.
33. You don't have any bullets left.
34. If everyone seems too happy at the dinner table, something really bad is about to happen.
35. Don't ignore the underdog. The best heroes are unlikely.


  1. i love that i know exactly which movie inspired which piece of advice. hahaha excellent work, my friend :)

  2. Haha thanks Danielle. :) I tried to pick ones people would recognize. :)

  3. Not a fan of #16, on account that Abby, Zach, Bryce and I are going on a road trip this summer. lol

  4. I've just noticed it as a trend in movies. I hope your real-life trip is awesome! I hope you'll keep us updated on your adventures. :)

  5. Melissa these are great :). Number 18 is definitely my favorite.