Sunday, December 25, 2011

Advice for Movie Characters Part 2

Since it's Christmas, I decided to write something a little more light-hearted. Therefore, I've compiled a list of things all movie characters should know. Be sure to read Advice for Movie Characters Part 1 as well.

1. Somehow the little kid is always strong enough to pull his dad up onto the ledge and save him from falling off the cliff.
2. Don't introduce him to your older sister. He'll fall in love with her.
3. Don't drive up to her house on a motor cycle. Dad will load his shot gun.
4. If you're new at school, the teacher will introduce you to the class in the most awkward way possible.
5. Pay attention. You're going to get hit in the head with the baseball.
6. Raptors can turn doorknobs.
7. Just because he's your old friend doesn't mean he won't turn you over to the authorities for some cash.
8. If it's raining, and you can't seem to see the oncoming traffic clearly, you're probably going to crash.
9. Don't pick on the runt of the playground. He'll punch you in the face by the end of the movie.
10. If you yell at the wild animal you've been raising to "GO! Go back in the wild where you belong!" you'll probably regret it later.
11. Shoot him again. He's not dead.
12. Never try to escape unless there's a lightning storm.
13. Just go get the stupid baseball. The dog's probably not all bad.
14. There's always a vent in the basement. You just have to find it.
15. Holocaust cloaks are invaluable.
16. Make sure it's really a costume party before you dress up.
17. Don't have a fight with your dad before going for a swim out at the drop off.
18. If you notice the other characters watching the weather channel excessively, assume a natural disaster will strike in T-8 days.
19. However, if Will Smith or Tom Cruise is in the vicinity, then it's not weather. It's an alien attack.
20. Speaking of famous people, stay close to the big names, especially early in the movie. They're less likely to get blown up.
21. Steady beeping noise = bomb.
22. Anyone who has taken flying lessons of any kind can land Air Force 1 at a moment's notice.
23. Bad guy: Your parachute is broken. Hehe.
24. Every serial killer lives next door to someone...
25. Check to see what your mortal enemy is wearing to the prom so you don't end up wearing the same thing.
26. If you wake up in the morning feeling like you might get chased by a bad guy today, don't wear heels.
27. Wife: Buy your husband a watch. Husband: Buy your wife a locket.
28. It's always possible to get into the elevator shaft.
29. Instead of letting the millions of dollars fly away in the wind because you're so happy your family is safe, why not just grab a couple 100's? Would that kill you? No!
30. It will probably not be the best Christmas pageant ever.
31. Check the picture frame. There's probably some old note or code hidden in it.
32. A restaurant is a wonderful place to make a scene.
33. Just listen for a cotton-pickin' second. This is all just one big misunderstanding.
34. Don't sit with your back to the window. Um... that should go without saying.
35. It's never too late 'til the movie's over.
36. Jet skis are a wonderful date idea. Just don't kick her in the head.
37. After you kill the six-fingered man, make sure you have something else in mind to do with your life. Like becoming a pirate or something.
38. Don't hide in the bathroom unless there's a window. You know he's just going to break down the door.
39. Your mom spent all that time making breakfast for you before school. Would it kill you to just sit down and eat some of it?
40. If the mannequin is standing in the middle of the street, it's because the zombies are waiting to eat you.

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