Monday, December 12, 2011

Your Thoughts During Finals

Okay, here I am at my desk. So I'm studying, right? Studying, yes. Here are my notes. I took some great notes. Okay, Public Relations as related to non-profit organizations...

Ooohh what is this? Facebook notification! Gotta check on that. Ooh, Lateisha wrote on my wall? Gotta see what she said. She said "HEYYY!!"

Now I have to write back! "Guurrl whaddup... I'm 'studying' for finals, too. This is ridiculous!"


Lateisha just liked my comment! She must be studying, too. Maybe she wants to go to Taco Bell...


I can't. It's Public Relations time. PR time. Like, PR as in the acronym. Maybe I can make acronyms for everything! Like, uhmm... Four ways PR works in time of crisis. Assessment, Planning, Integration, and Evaluation. AH HA! Avid... Penguins... Isosceles... Electrocution.

No, that's stupid.

WOW I'm hungry. Gotta have some crackers. Nah, I need something better to study. Like, um, I'll make pancakes. That's a great idea. I can cook them in a coffee cup in the microwave.

That'd be gross. I'll just have Ramen noodles. What a classic! This is such great studying food.

*15 minutes later.*

Wow, this is good. My life is kind of worth living now. But I should definitely finish this before I go back to studying. Wouldn't want to ruin it by thinking of eating penguins.

Okay back to studying. PR. Crises. That's such a weird word. CRY-SEAAAAAASS!!!

Hehe. That sounds funny.

Wait, when the heck did it get to be 11:00? Holy poop nuggets, I'm missing reruns of The Office. This is so not okay. Dwight, I need you...

No, Dwight can wait. PR is more important.

But doesn't the business area, like, have PR in it? I'm totally watching an episode.

*Three episodes later.*

What is this like a time warp or something? I could have sworn it was only 11:00. Now it's 12:30.

Back to studying. NO LATEISHA! I said NO to Taco Bell! I don't care that you didn't have lunch or dinner. I have to study. I don't want those delicious, delectable, scrumptious burritos. The juicy chicken and...

How does PR relate to food? There are those food law things. You're not allowed to poison people. Or something. See, this is why I need to study.

But why do I NEED to study? This is the dumbest thing ever. Finals are stupid. Who cares if this is worth 40% of my grade? I've got, like, and 80 in this class already. Why do I even need this for real life? Who even relates to the public anyway? Totally not applicable. All of these Profs. are crazy.

But if I get bad grades, I'll fail out of school and never get a job. Then I'll be stranded on the side of the road wearing dirty clothes and holding out an empty Cheez-it box for donations from passersby. And the only job I'll be able to get is counting goose turds for a local fertilizer factory.

My life is worthless. Who said I could even deal with college?

MY ROOMMATE IS BACK! "Roomie! Roomie! I don't want to count turds! I don't want to! Make the  electrocuted penguins go away!"

"Wait! Don't leave! I just need a hug... come back..."

All my friends hate me. See, that's what studying does. It turns you into a FRIENDLESS LUNATIC.

Gee, my room is messy. Maybe it's finally time to wash the rotten cheese out of my carpet. How did that even get there? Oh, I remember now. Lateisha and her darn chicken and cheese burritos. See if I ever invite her back here again.

Well, how do I clean it up? The only soap I have is detergent. Oh well, that will have to do. Might as well clean up the rest of the room, too. Ooh, a note from Grandma! She sent me stickers! Why didn't I see these before. I am SO decorating my desk.

Charlie is texting me. CHARLIE! I haven't seen him in like three hours. I'm going to die.


Yeah dude. I'm studying, too. You're in the library? That's cool. Keep it up, dude. Nice twitter updates, too. Funny how you can tweet every eleven seconds for 3 hours straight and still study. You're like multi-talented or something.

Back to PR. PR Crises. That's RIGHT this is a crisis! I've been studying for five hours, and I still haven't made it past the first page. But that's okay. I only have 29 pages left. Not that bad. If I only spend five minutes on each page, then I'll only be studying for another 2.4 hours. (I am SO good at math.) That means I'll only be up 'til... eh... 4:30 a.m.! That's a gift! I'll be able to sleep for 3 whole hours before I get up for my 8:00 exam. Sweet.


Yeah... 3 hours. Well, if I'm going to do all that studying, I might as well take a shower first. Of course. I have to take one anyway. Who can think about PR when they smell like rotten cheese and detergent?

*30 minutes later*

I feel so much better now. Good thing I didn't pass out in the shower.

Hmm... time to eat some Teddy Grams. But I'll be healthy and eat the honey-flavored ones instead of the chocolate. Will it still be healthy if I eat the whole box?

Well, here I am back at my desk. Let's turn on some music! Justin Bieber... absolutely not. Maroon 5... nah... Enya is good for studying.

This is absolutely ridiculous. It's almost 3 a.m., and I'm STILL studying. I've been doing this for, what, 6 hours? I'm going to bed. I'll get up early and study tomorrow.

I'll set my alarm for 6 a.m. Some rest will be good.

*3 hours later*

I be pushin' that snooze button. No one can take an exam on 3 hours of sleep!

*1.5 hours later*

Wow. Good thing I didn't go to Taco Bell with Lateisha. Then I wouldn't have gotten ANY studying done. Makin' good decisions every day. BRING it, PR! Your frankenstein penguins DO NOT SCARE ME!


  1. It must be hard to be a woman. :P

  2. This wasn't a true story.

    Who is this?