The other night I was really bored, and bad things happen when I get bored. Okay, not necessary bad things. Let's just say things get interesting.
I've been staying at a University in London for the past several weeks. A few days ago, I returned around midnight after hanging out with my friend Anna, and I was really, really hyper and awake because I drank Starbuck's coffee. I discovered that for some reason, the little campus shop is open from 11 p.m. to 4 a.m., so I decided to stop by. Instead of just looking around and then leaving, I decided to scare the two guys who work there.
One of them had a round face, sandy blonde hair, and a typical English grin, and the other had long wavy hair and glasses. Both seemed overly bored. So I began my social experiment by nonchalantly opening one of the biggest umbrellas I've ever seen and walking around the store with it like there was nothing unusual about it at all. At first they didn't say anything, but then one of them said, "You've given us all bad luck; that's what you've done."
I looked at him like he was crazy.
An awkward moment passed, and then the two of them started talking to each other again. One of them was telling a story about how he was walking home one day and ran into a small fox, and apparently he was scared and wanted to run away, but then he felt silly because it was just a little animal, not a dangerous one, right?
I approached the counter with a serious look on my face. "Foxes are the seventeenth leading cause of death in America, you know," I said. They couldn't tell if I was serious or not, so I continued. "They come in packs," I added.
Now their blank stares were a little frightened, and one of them tried to smile, as if I were going to say in a moment that I was just joking.
"They tear your limbs off and eat out your tongue," I explained casually. "The worst part is, sometimes you don't die."
One of them made a comment about how he was going to have nightmares now. Since they now knew I was from the US, they tried to make conversation. One mentioned Disney World, and I said it was a popular place because the foxes were afraid of Mickey Mouse and therefore never went there. I explained that I'd moved away from Utah because that's where most of the foxes lived.
On another fox-related topic, the curly-haired one mentioned the movie "The Fox and the Hound." I responded immediately, saying that the movie was a true account and that I knew the characters personally. I think it was at this point that the sandy-haired one said I was mental and then added when I stared at him, obviously offended, "You're 'good' mental." I'm not sure what he meant, but I pretended to be offended.
"For all you know, I'm brilliant," I quipped. "I was number one in my class. Might've been the only one in my class, but that doesn't matter."
"If you were English, we'd throw you out of here in a second," one of them said.
He was joking, and it was funnier because I'm actually part English. "Who says I'm not English?" I asked. "I'm nearly half English, actually."
"Nearly half?" they repeated, snickering.
"Yes. Haven't you ever heard of platform 9 3/4? Why can't I be nearly half English?"
They looked at each other, still unsure. But I was still holding the umbrella, so one asked, "Is is still raining outside?"
"What do I look like, a weather man?"
"No," the curly haired one answered quickly.
"Well, I have to go," I said abruptly.
"You've got to me the most interesting person to ever come in this store. What's your name?" the sandy-haired one asked, trying to see my name tag.
I grabbed my name tag and turned it around, snarling. "What's the matter with you? You can't just go around looking at people's name tags! That's private!"
Both looked even more startled, if that's even possible.
I clutched my name tag protectively. "Did you read it? Well, did you?"
"No, I didn't get a chance to," the sandy haired one replied.
"Good. Well, you can call me Scooter Girl." I closed the umbrella and approached the exit, then added, "If I come back." Then, walking backward, I said, "Watch out for foxes."
Scaring people. It's the best.
I'm pretty sure I told them some other random weird stuff, but I can't remember all of it.
The next day I returned and acted totally normal, simply asking a question about where something was in the store. They mentioned foxes, and I acted like I had no idea what they were talking about. They were freaked out.
Obviously I should have brought a book with me so I wouldn't have to entertain myself by scaring the natives.